Tag Archives | marriage

In HeynSight #2: The Confession Myth: Should Spouses Always Tell The Truth?


We have become a culture of compulsive truth-telling; we spill our feelings and our actions in the name of “complete disclosure” and “being honest.” We announce long-ago affairs to our partners; reveal details of our sexual pasts; confide the deepest reservations we have about our partners to them, as if they will all say, Wow! Awesome! Thanks for sharing!

We have decided that truth, rather than discretion, is the moral way out of everything from a bad thought to bad behavior.

In today’s episode of In Heynsight, Dalma discusses a big myth: That a in “good” relationship, partners should always tell each other the truth.


Lucy Stone: A Place of Honor on National Women’s Equality Day

One day, when I was seventeen, I approached my father with questions about love,  like Why should a woman marry?  This confused him because he and my mother loved each other, their marriage was good, and their other daughter, my older sister, was already also happily married.

Nevertheless, I said..  Why? And what’s this “obey” business?  

We exchanged ideas. He was patient. “So: you want a Lucy Stoner marriage, is that it?” he said. Thankfully, since I didn’t know what a “Lucy Stoner marriage” was, he went on to tell me about his early brief marriage to a writer named Hagar Wilde that ended on friendly terms. “We had a Lucy Stoner Marriage,” he confided. They had lived in Greenwich Village, he told me, but she had insisted on a separate studio, one outside their home, for her work. (Hagar, by the way, wrote the famous screwball comedy with Katharine Hepburn and Cary Grant, “Bringing Up Baby,” which I later decided was successful because she had a place of her own.) I hadn’t heard about his first marriage, of Hagar, or of a “Lucy Stoner marriage,” whatever that was, until then. He also told me that he and my mother did not have a Lucy Stoner marriage.

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The $500,000 You Should Get – But Won’t

What if you knew that you’d lost half a million dollars because someone didn’t pay you your fair share of your salary?  What would be your next step?

I just spoke with 15 young women in their twenties about pay inequality. What do you think, I asked, when you realize that women get less than men for the same job? They looked at me with that wry “What else is new?” look I’ve become familiar with when discussing issues that are as deep in our culture as the minerals in our bones. It’s a bored look, like “How lame is that?”…but it’s not an outraged look. Continue Reading →