Archive | In HeynSight Radio

In HeynSight #7: The Myth That Breaking up is Easier By Text or Email

In Heynsight: The Myth That Breaking Up by Text is Easier

Thinking of breaking up with someone by text or email because you won’t have to witness or experience pain? Think again. If there’s anything more cowardly, inhumane and just tacky, I don’t know what it is….except possibly breaking up on Facebook. Or leaving a phone message.

Please, ex-lovers: You are not beasts. A person whom you liked well enough to date and make love to deserves more. And by the way, if that’s how you handle your love affairs, your mistreatment will get around fast: and, when someone decides to cast you off, you will surely get treated the same way. So, when you hear that phone message saying “Um, well, hey, it was great, but we’re through. See ya!”, remember: In love as everywhere else, you reap what you sow.

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In HeynSight #6: The Myth That Passion Cannot be Revived

The Myth That Waning Passion Cannot Be Revived

Has there ever been a magazine cover that doesn’t promise to put the “spark” back into your sex life? And do you ever think, after reading the same advice month after month, “What are they talking about? If it were as simple as whispering sweet nothings into his ear, or going out to a cozy dinner, we’d have solved the problem already.”

To know how to get sexual passion back, you have to first know where it went. Desire isn’t a faucet that flows eternally; it is a complicated psychic mechanism as individual as each of us.

Whether it’s temporary anger, hurt feelings, depression, fatigue, or deeper cultural issues that play a profound role in dampening desire, in today’s In HeynSight show, we’ll go past the easy answers and the blame, and look deeply into where desire can get lost–and found. Enjoy the show!

Discussed on today’s show: Marriage Shock: The Transformation of Women Into Wives

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In HeynSight #5: The Myth of Femininity


The “feminine” woman, the theory goes, is good, kind, giving, loving, soft-spoken, pleasing, gentle, soft in voice and character, charming, demure, pretty, delicate, deeply caring of the sick and the elderly, nurturing, a great cook and housekeeper, frugal….and, most of all, selfless. Men love her.

The “unfeminine” woman, the theory goes, is assertive, aggressive, and ambitious; she’s “strident” and “shrill” and selfish. Men don’t love her.

Why do we still worry that without these fake virtues, we won’t be loved? With women flooding the workplace but not getting to the top of any profession; not getting paid the same as men for identical jobs; and barely getting by in a difficult economy; is “femininity” the way to go? Or should we instead whip out all the aggression, ambition and selfishness we can muster?

It’s the topic of this week’s In Heynsight. Listen and let us know your thoughts!


In HeynSight #4: The Myth That True Love Is Unambivalent

In Heynsight Episode 4

Today’s program examines the myth that true love is unambivalent; that if you’re in love, you’ll feel that love consistently and without conflict, and will be happy.

But we shortchange our own emotional natures when we think that our feelings should be constant and unwavering and singular, when in fact they’re always mixed. The coexistence of positive and negative feelings toward someone, or something, simultaneously drawing us in opposite directions, is our psychic makeup.

Whether you find Mr. Right or not has nothing to do with a woman’s complicated yearnings for many things at once. And vice versa. We’re just not simple creatures. We don’t want to be alone, but we don’t want to be invaded. We want to win someone, but when we do, we also long for the time when he was unwinnable.

It’s called being human, and it’s the topic of this week’s In HeynSight. Enjoy!


In HeynSight #3: The Myth of the Divorcing Man


In our cultural consciousness, marriages end because men tire of their wives and marry younger women. In our real world, though, women initiate 65 to 70 percent of divorces. I stated in my book Marriage Shock: The Transformation of Women into Wives, that younger women were leaving; now, older women, in long-term marriages, are leaving as well.

In today’s show my main question is: If over half of all women were leaving college, wouldn’t you ask, “What has to happen to make women want to stay in school?” I’m asking, What has to happen to make wives want to stay in marriage? Tune in….


In HeynSight #2: The Confession Myth: Should Spouses Always Tell The Truth?


We have become a culture of compulsive truth-telling; we spill our feelings and our actions in the name of “complete disclosure” and “being honest.” We announce long-ago affairs to our partners; reveal details of our sexual pasts; confide the deepest reservations we have about our partners to them, as if they will all say, Wow! Awesome! Thanks for sharing!

We have decided that truth, rather than discretion, is the moral way out of everything from a bad thought to bad behavior.

In today’s episode of In Heynsight, Dalma discusses a big myth: That a in “good” relationship, partners should always tell each other the truth.


In HeynSight #1: The Challenge for Stepmothers

My work has for so long been about busting myths about women, marriage, love and dating, stories that keep us from writing our own unique scripts about our own relationships, so I’ve started a Blogtalk radio show (see the player, below) on the subject. It’s all about learning what these stories are; how they live in us; and how to ditch them when they interfere with our happiness.

The myth this week is about stepmothers: Why are so many of the roughly 14 million stepmothers in this country dreading Mother’s Day? Why do we keep perpetuating the myth of the Evil Stepmother, a myth that’s guaranteed to make everyone unhappy? Why does this ancient story have the power to guide our present beliefs? The answers may not be uplifting, but they explain why 65 percent of couples in stepfamilies divorce!

I hope you’ll tune in to the In HeynSight program and let me know what you think. This is the debut episode; I’m sure we’ll improve as we go. In the meantime, I’m excited to be able to connect and share conversation and ideas on a regular basis. Enjoy the show!