Archive | June, 2012

In HeynSight #4: The Myth That True Love Is Unambivalent

In Heynsight Episode 4

Today’s program examines the myth that true love is unambivalent; that if you’re in love, you’ll feel that love consistently and without conflict, and will be happy.

But we shortchange our own emotional natures when we think that our feelings should be constant and unwavering and singular, when in fact they’re always mixed. The coexistence of positive and negative feelings toward someone, or something, simultaneously drawing us in opposite directions, is our psychic makeup.

Whether you find Mr. Right or not has nothing to do with a woman’s complicated yearnings for many things at once. And vice versa. We’re just not simple creatures. We don’t want to be alone, but we don’t want to be invaded. We want to win someone, but when we do, we also long for the time when he was unwinnable.

It’s called being human, and it’s the topic of this week’s In HeynSight. Enjoy!


In HeynSight #3: The Myth of the Divorcing Man


In our cultural consciousness, marriages end because men tire of their wives and marry younger women. In our real world, though, women initiate 65 to 70 percent of divorces. I stated in my book Marriage Shock: The Transformation of Women into Wives, that younger women were leaving; now, older women, in long-term marriages, are leaving as well.

In today’s show my main question is: If over half of all women were leaving college, wouldn’t you ask, “What has to happen to make women want to stay in school?” I’m asking, What has to happen to make wives want to stay in marriage? Tune in….


In HeynSight #2: The Confession Myth: Should Spouses Always Tell The Truth?


We have become a culture of compulsive truth-telling; we spill our feelings and our actions in the name of “complete disclosure” and “being honest.” We announce long-ago affairs to our partners; reveal details of our sexual pasts; confide the deepest reservations we have about our partners to them, as if they will all say, Wow! Awesome! Thanks for sharing!

We have decided that truth, rather than discretion, is the moral way out of everything from a bad thought to bad behavior.

In today’s episode of In Heynsight, Dalma discusses a big myth: That a in “good” relationship, partners should always tell each other the truth.