When Angela “met” Tim online—that is, when he first responded to her profile—she got a fluttery feeling in her stomach that she wasn’t sure was excitement or warning. He liked her photo—could they go out that night? No? Why not? She was beautiful for her age, he said, and what’s more, he was handsome and fit–so hey, if she wasn’t free, why was she online? So Angela, who felt uncomfortable already, at the same time read his pushiness as healthy male interest, so she overrode her gut feeling and proceeded to the next step.
Not a good idea. If ever there were a form of introduction that required a woman to trust her gut about a guy, it’s meeting in cyberspace. Trusting your (online) gut requires a self-knowledge, though, that wasn’t expected before first impressions came to you with no real person attached. You have to really be aware of your history (have you always been excited by aggressive guys—only to wind up feeling intimidated by them? Have you always rejected less assertive men?) and clear about your wishes (Do you want a mate or a casual date?): Otherwise, in your search for Mr. Right you can end up chatting endlessly with Mr. Wrong. Here are a few tips culled from women who have been there, done that….I pass them on in the hope that they spare you the exhaustion that can come from too many hours online with too many men who aren’t truly available, men who will only sap your strength, men who are looking for something, someone, other than you. Continue Reading →